Monday, October 30, 2017

Alzheimer's is a word that strikes fear in our hearts almost as much as cancer does. No one wants to experience this disease nor does anyone want to see someone they love go through it.

That was how I felt. I prayed that would NEVER happen to my mother. But, it did. To be precise, my mother suffered from one of the many forms of dementia known as vascular dementia (although doctors felt she probably also suffered from Alzheimer's as well.)

You see many people lump all forms of dementia under the well known term of “Alzheimer's”, while in fact, Alzheimer's is only one of a host of manifestations of dementia, which is the umbrella of all sorts of illnesses which affect the memory.

But, make no mistake... they are ALL life-changing and life-disrupting.

For those who have not been exposed to someone with dementia, it is commonly thought that the most significant change is that regarding memory loss as it relates to things like “where did I put my keys?”, “remembering names”, “recognizing faces”, etc. It is true that dementia DOES bring about those things, but it affects a person in so many other ways. And each person is different in how the disease is manifested in them.

A person loses the ability to reason, to think logically which in turn causes them at times to make bad, even dangerous decisions. At times, they create their own reality, and if you are not careful, you will not even realize what they are saying is not true. It causes them to not be able to process things such as operating their remote or following a simple recipe. Too many things in front of them confuses them. It's almost like they can only focus on one object at a time. Disrupting their routine can also greatly frustrate them. These are just a few of the ways this disease can affect a person that most people have never heard of or thought about.

It is a disease that creeps up on you, in most cases. With my mother, I was the first to notice that something was just not right, though I was hoping against hope that I was wrong. But, as with most people, since that is the last thing we WANT it to be, we try to rationalize the signs away. “It's just age”, “She's just not listening or paying attention”, “We ALL forget things once in a while.” Mother would repeat herself, telling the same stories again and again. I would tell her something on the phone and 10 minutes later she would call and ask me numerous questions about what we had just talked about, and in 20 minutes or so, would repeat the whole scenario over again. She began forgetting appointments, where she was supposed to be, and eventually how to get there.

I began to seek professional help, but found that to be seriously lacking!! For Alzheimer's and related diseases to be so prevalent today, it was appalling to me that doctors, in general, were so ill-equipped to give advice or guidance. I wanted someone to tell me how to navigate this road I'd suddenly been sent down, but it seemed the help was minimal. The best advice I got and the most help I got came from a wonderful counselor at Page Robbins Adult Care Center. She opened my eyes to the reality of where I was. She was not afraid to say what needed to be said. I will never forget the day she said to me “Your mother is worse than you think and the day is coming sooner than you think when you are going to need to make some decisions. You need a plan!” She also provided me with a book that further opened my eyes, THE 36 HOUR DAY. I sought her help again and again in the months ahead and I will be forever grateful for her being there for me.

This journey was one I never wanted to take, but God had other plans. And though it was a painful one, He taught me many things on this journey that I would not trade for anything. He blessed me in ways I never would have dreamed. He showed up for me over and over and over again. He is a good, good Father!!! He was faithful every step of the way. And when no one else could understand, He did. When I felt I could not go on, He carried me.

So I am walking in this WALK FOR ALZHEIMER'S this coming Saturday so that maybe one day, no one will ever have to watch their loved one go through what we did. I walk so that those who are on this journey can have better resources, so more doctors can be trained to help and counsel the caregivers who are desperately seeking answers for how to care for and respond to the changes in their loved one. I walk because every day I hear of someone else whose loved one is battling this disease or one of the many other forms of dementia. I walk in memory of my Mother and to honor her.

I hope YOU will join me in this fight to end this dreaded disease by going to my page at the link below and donating whatever you can....$5.00, $25.00, or more. Is there someone you know who is on this journey today? Do it for them. Every dollar matters. Thanks in advance for your contribution!! God bless you!!

Wednesday, October 25, 2017



Dedicated to the family of Guy Lindsey Proctor Sr.

We attended the home-going celebration of my daughter-in-love's grandfather, Guy Lindsey Proctor, Sr. last week. I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Proctor and his lovely wife, Lily, several years ago and a few times after that for just a short period of time when they would come for birthday parties. But after his health began to decline, they were no longer able to make the trip. I am sorry that I never had the opportunity to get to know him better.

When I read his obituary yesterday, I was impressed to say the least. And what I heard today at his service, just deepened by respect and admiration for him.

Mr. Proctor started his own business at the age of 20. He had a remarkable career in field of Agri Business and did a lot for the community he lived in, Forrest City, Arkansas. He even helped to start a community college after he retired! He served in several municipal capacities and was well thought of within his community.

But as impressive as that is, we learned today that he was also well known for his faith in the Lord. Each family member expressed the same sentiment to us as we expressed our condolences. “We know where he is, so we cannot be sad.” You can't have that confidence unless you know that a person really knows the Lord and they are confident of where they are going.

As I sat and listened to the words of the minister that day, I kept having one thought...what a legacy this man has left to his family!! To his 3 children....Guy Lindsey Jr., Keath and Caroline...he has left the legacy of his faith. He has walked before you and shown you the way to Jesus. He has lived before you so that you know that you know that he is with Jesus now and forever more. His faith was real, it was something that he held to and he is now passing on the banner of faith to each of you. It is yours to raise high so that all who know YOU, will know as they did about your Dad, that you are a child of the King! He has also left this legacy to his grandchildren....Guy Lindsey III and Allison. The banner is also yours to take up and to raise high so that your children will know that YOU believe in the Lord and He is what makes a difference in your life.

Mr. Proctor had an amazing life, a very productive and successful life. But none of that would matter now, if he had not had Jesus. Money, prestige, notoriety, success....all of those are just wood, hay and stubble and will disappear like a puff of smoke when the end of your life comes. But what really matters is DO YOU KNOW JESUS? Each of you can answer a resounding YES to that question regarding your father and grandfather. What a blessing that is for each of you. Today would have been a different day had you not had that assurance and peace. Although you will miss your dad and grandfather, if you know the God that He knew, you will see him again one day. This is just a short separation.

From what I heard today, I do not believe that he would want any of you to toss away his legacy which he has handed down to you, but I believe that he would say to each of you, “Lift high the banner of Jesus Christ so that all who know YOU and all who come after you will KNOW that you believe and follow Jesus Christ and lead in such a way that others who come after you will want to know and follow Him too.” This legacy is a priceless one. I hope that you realize how blessed you were to have a Dad and Grandfather like him and I pray that you each will treasure the legacy he left you by following in his footsteps and letting your light shine wherever you are and whatever you do.

When you come to the end of your life, there is no greater gift that you can leave your children and grandchildren than this.

Psalm 60:4 “You have given a banner to those who fear you that it may be displayed because of the truth.”

Wednesday, October 11, 2017


Beach Musings Part 3

Some days at the beach we wake to find that there is fog so thick you can barely see the water.  It hangs like a blanket, obscuring all except that tiny sliver of beach where water meets the sand.  Just yesterday, it was clear and sunny, yet now this fog limits our view.

Often in our lives, the fog rolls in and also obscures our view.  The fog of grief, the fog of pain, the fog of uncertainty and indecision.  All of these can cause us to feel as if we've lost our moorings, as if we are lost and don't know what to do next.  

I can remember one of those times in my life when I felt like I was in a fog of uncertainty and doubt.  You see my mother was being overtaken by the fog of dementia and suddenly I was responsible for making all the decisions for her about her finances, her health, about every aspect of her life.  It was overwhelming! Being an only child, the full weight of this responsibility was on my shoulder and I was so afraid of doing the wrong thing.  My prayer life seemed to be one repeated plea, "God, help me! I don't know what to do!"  

And, of course He did.  As I prayed and cried out to Him, He led me to Psalm 32:8 and 10b "I will instruct you and show you the way to go, with My eye on you, I will give 
you counsel.....the one who trusts in the Lord will have faithful love surrounding him."  

Friend, no matter what fog you may encounter today, let me assure you that just beneath the clouds the Son is shining.  He is there for you and if you will trust Him, He will shine His light on your path and show you the way.  You will see the light breaking through and He will provide the wisdom and guidance you need to take the next step.  

Tuesday, October 10, 2017


The landscapes at the beach are ever changing.  One day you may have storm clouds, dark and ominous with waves large and smashing the beach.  But, the next day you wake to find smoother waters and a sunrise painting the sky with pinks and oranges, so beautiful it rivals any painting you have ever seen!

It is much like our lives.  Things can be beautiful, calm and serene.  Life is good.  Then, suddenly, out of nowhere storms storm clouds roll in, with angry waves of turmoil and anxiety and fear that totally disrupt our lives.  Where peace had been the norm, now fear, heartache and pain become our daily companions.

But our beach landscape should also serve to remind us, that the storms do not last forever.  No matter how horrific the storm is, no matter how dark it gets as it rolls in, and no matter how much damage the storm does, it will NOT last forever and best of all....THE SUN WILL SHINE AGAIN!

Sunday, October 8, 2017


It seems that our TV has been tuned to the Weather Channel more the past few months that ever before.  We were glued to it when Hurricane Harvey was bearing down on Houston and again as Irma threatened Florida as we had friends in both places.  This past week we once more had it on almost continually as another storm was brewing in the Gulf.  This time it was was messing with our vacation!

With each storm, one thing remained the same.  The weather forecasters with all of their technology and all their knowledge could only give an educated guess as to the direction and strength of each storm .  Why?  Because the Lord alone directs the winds and the waves!

Forecasters use many models to give us their best guess of which way the storm will go and granted, they do get close.  Nate started out as just a numbered storm, then gained the name NATE.  Then it was a tropical storm and finally it gained Cat 1 status.  Friday they were saying it was losing strength and would "most likely" not become a hurricane. But as it moved through the gulf, it began to gain strength and it was deemed a Category 1.  By Saturday it was feared that it would strengthen to a Cat 2 by landfall and that was predicted first to be closer to New Orleans.  People in low lying areas of New Orleans were told to evacuate.  Emergency preparations were made with visions of Katrina playing in everyone's minds. But Saturday came, and Nate veered towards the Florida panhandle causing Gulf residents to begin to scramble to prepare.  Storm shutters were put in place, gas tanks were filled, grocery stores were filled with those coming into town for fall break trying to get groceries before the store closed.  Sidewalks were bare.  Few cars were seen and residents of the gulf coast were asked to be off the streets by 8:00 pm.  Would it be a Cat 1 or Cat 2?

The Weather Channel folks positioned themselves in Biloxi, Pensacola and Orange Beach, not sure exactly where old Nate would go.  He ended up breaking apart and coming ashore as a weak Cat 1 right at the mouth of the Mississippi River.  The winds howled and surf surged but not nearly as bad as was feared.

Once again God ruled.  Only He directs the winds and waves.  They know His name and they go where He bids.

It reminds us that we can make our plans but God is sovereign and HE ultimately will bring His plans to pass.  And it is comforting to me to know that.  God continues to show man that man is not in control that HE is.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017


Today I will close the final chapter on my Mother's life. Today I will close on the sale of her home.

Mother passed away CHRISTmas day, 2015, yet in many ways I began to say goodbye to her long before that. When a person has dementia, you begin to lose them a little bit at a time. Until you have experienced the devastation of this disease, it is difficult to comprehend how much memory loss affects a person's life.

At first it is just little things, like remembering where they put things....which we all do from time to time. Or forgetting what someone said or what stories they have told, thereby causing them to repeat themselves again and again. But then it begins to affect more serious things like how to perform certain tasks such as paying bills and cooking a meal. It is heartbreaking to watch someone who was so smart begin to be unable to do simple things. Then the decision making begins to deteriorate and more and more they become the child and you become the parent, a role you never wanted. Little by little the person they were begins to slip are beginning the long goodbye.

I was more fortunate than a lot of people. Heart disease took my mother long before the dementia did. I am so thankful that she never got to the place where she did not know me or her family. I am thankful that she had not forgotten how to eat or to speak. I am thankful that I got to hear her say “I love you” one last time before she left this earth.

But as the dementia began to rob her of more and more capabilities, it became apparent it was no longer safe for her to live alone at home. So we faced another goodbye as I drove her out of her driveway for the last time in March 2015, knowing at the end of the day she would be moving into assisted living, never to return to her home again. It was a hard day because she did not know that she had said her last goodbye to her home but I did. On a happier note though, her new home was a blessing to her in so many ways. She had a new apartment in a beautiful place with loving people who cared for her so well. She met lots of new friends and it was a joy to come and find her sitting with them talking in the halls or dining room instead of sitting in her darkened living room alone at her home. She touched many lives there with her kindness and generosity. She was eating regularly and getting her medicine as needed. She was well cared for and safe and that was a huge blessing to me. I thank God for the wonderful people at Culpepper Place (now known as Hearthside) and cannot say enough good things about them.

Her heart disease was worsening and it caused her to be hospitalized in early December 2015. Again, when she left Culpepper that night she had no idea she would never return....neither did I. It was another unexpected goodbye. I really thought that she would return in a few days, but the Lord had other plans for her. After 12 days in the hospital it became apparent that her journey was nearing its end. She said goodbye to the hospital but hello to Hospice House.

Saying goodbye is difficult and expected. What is not expected is how difficult a hello can be. Driving into Hospice House with her was one of the hardest things I ever did in my life because I knew it was the beginning of the end. I knew it was where I would say the final goodbye to her and I was not ready for that. But God was so gracious and merciful. He gave us 10 days to prepare us for her homegoing and he put precious, caring staff there to help us through those difficult days.

We said goodbye to her on CHRISTmas afternoon. It was hard. Losing your mother is always hard. There are no words to describe that loss. Yet it was a blessing that she was no longer suffering. She was at peace. She was with her Savior. And best of all, although it was a time of parting, it is only temporary. This goodbye is really more of a “See ya later”, because I WILL see my Mother again one day in Heaven. That gives me great peace and was what sustained us all through the letting go of her earthly self.

But, her home remained and I have been in the process of selling it now for a year and a half. This place she loved so much that she refused to leave even when it was in her best interest. This place that she had cultivated and nurtured with her green thumb, growing daylilies by the hundreds. She cared for this 6 acres up until she left it that March. She had been unable in the end to do all the things she loved doing, but she still managed to get out there and pick up limbs or deadhead lilies or do something in her yard every day.

She had not been a gardener til after she retired. A friend had given her a few daylilies and soon she was hooked. She even joined the Lily Club with her sister and together they began to collect one variety after another til both of their yards were filled with God's beauty. Her yard was featured on Channel 3's Saturday morning garden show 2 years in a of the greatest compliments to her of her life. The Lily Club brought bus loads of people to see her lilies and other smaller clubs came as well. She loved showing them off and quoting Matthew 6:28-29 to them “Consider the lilies, they toil not, neither do they spin, yet Solomon in all of his glory was not arrayed like ONE of these!” She would be careful to point out to them the intricacies of the bloom and then say “And God made all of this beauty in this ONE bloom just for us to enjoy today. And tomorrow, He will make another one equally beautiful for us to enjoy.” She not only shared them by having people come and view them, but she relished sharing them with people who admired them. She tried selling them, but she would much rather just give them away. That was my mother.

For this past year and a half many people have come through looking at her house and property. There have been several who attempted to purchase it, but each time it would fall through for one reason or another. It was discouraging and frustrating to say the least. But I had continually prayed for God to bring just the right family to this place that my Mother loved so much. And each time that a contract would fall apart and I would be disappointed, my sweet daughter would always say, “God has someone He wants in this house, and when it's time, He will lead them to it.” She was right and He did. His timing is not our timing.

Today a sweet young couple and their 4 month old baby girl will take possession of my mother's home. They are in love with this house and SO excited with all the plans they have for it. It gives me great joy to know that they are the ones who will be living there.
One of my granddaughters loved playing beneath the huge magnolia tree in the backyard and I so hope that this little girl will one day make it her hideout as well.

Even so, saying goodbye to this place today will be hard. It is closing the last chapter of Mother's life.....the last goodbye.

She has had her last goodbye. She will never have to say goodbye again. She is in her eternal home.... one that is more beautiful than she could have ever imagined. She is in the presence of her Lord and Savior, being loved and cherished forever more. She has a mansion no earthly dwelling could compare to and it is hers eternally. One day I will join her and there will be no more goodbyes. Hallelujah!! To God be the Glory!

Thursday, August 17, 2017

"SEEING" Faith

Sometimes people speak of having "blind faith", meaning that they step out into the  unknown, putting their trust in God.  Abraham may be one that is said to have had blind faith, leaving all that he and his family knew to go to a land that God would show him in time.  It is always difficult to move under any circumstances, but can you imagine just being told "OK, pack up, hitch up the donkeys and camels and start walking.  I'll tell you when you get there." neither.

But there is another kind of faith, a faith I like to call "Seeing faith".  This kind of faith "sees" with eyes of faith, eyes that may see nothing visibly, yet they see past what is visible and trust God for what they cannot YET see.

George Mueller had that kind of faith.  He is definitely one of my heroes of the faith.

I read this in my STREAMS IN THE DESERT today about George:

"I went to America some years ago with the captain of a steamer, who was a very devoted Christian.  When off the coast of Newfoundland he said to me, "The last time I crossed here, five weeks ago, something happened which revolutionized the whole of my Christian life.  We had George Mueller of Bristol on board. I had been on the bridge twenty four hours and never left it.  George came to me and said "Captain, I have come to tell you that I must be in Quebec Saturday afternoon."  "It is impossible," I said.  "Very well, if your ship cannot take me, God will find some other way.  I have never broken an engagement for 57 years.  Let us go down into the chart room and pray."  I looked at that man of God and thought to myself, 'what lunatic asylum can that man have come from?  I never heard of such a thing as this.'  "Mr. Mueller," I said, "do you know how dense this fog is?"  "No", he replied, "my eye is not on the density of the fog, but on the living God who controls every circumstance of my life."  He knelt down and prayed one of the most simple prayers and when he had finished I was going to pray; but he put his hand on my shoulder and told me not to pray.  "First, you do not believe He will answer; and second I BELIEVE HE HAS, and there is no need whatever for you to pray about it."  I looked at him and he said "Captain I have known the Lord for 57 years and there has never been a single day that I have failed to get audience with the King.  Get up, Captain and open the door and you will find the fog gone."  I got up and the fog was indeed gone.  On Saturday afternoon, George Mueller was in Quebec for his engagement."

That, my Friends, is SEEING FAITH!!  Although Mueller had yet to see the fog lifted, he believed it so.

Now Mueller did not start out as a giant of the faith.  In fact, he actually had a rough start in life.   "As a young boy growing up in Germany in the early 1800s, he often stole money from his dad. As a teenager, he sneaked out of a hotel twice without paying for the room. One time he was caught by police and put in jail. As a Bible college student, George loved going to bars, drinking, gambling, and being the life of the party. He also loved making fun of people, especially Christians.

One day, a friend invited George to go to an off-campus Bible study. He went only because he wanted to make fun of the Christians later. But to his surprise, he liked the Bible study. For the first time, he saw people who really knew and loved God. He attended each evening. Before the end of the week, he knelt at his bed and asked God to forgive his sins.

George's friends saw a change in him immediately. He no longer went to bars or made fun of people. He spent more time reading his Bible, talking about God, and going to church. Soon he found that his friends did not want to be around him anymore.

When George told his father that he had decided to become a missionary, his father became very upset. He wanted George to have a high-paying job and not be a poor missionary. He told George that he would not give him any more money for school. George knew he had to do what God was calling him to do, even if his dad didn't support him.

George went back to college without knowing how he was going to pay his tuition. He did something he thought was a bit silly for a grown man to do. He got on his knees and asked God to provide. To his surprise, an hour later a professor knocked on his door. He offered George a paid tutoring job! George was amazed! This was the beginning of George Mueller's dependence on God.

George went on to become the pastor of a church in England.  Each day as George walked the streets, he saw children everywhere who had no mom or dad. They lived on the streets or in state-run poorhouses, where they were treated badly. George felt God calling him to open an orphanage to take care of the children.

George prayed, asking God to provide a building, people to oversee it, furniture, and money for food and clothing. God answered his prayers. The needs of the orphanage were met each day. Sometimes a wealthy person would send a large amount of money, or a child would give a small amount received as a gift or for doing chores. Many times food, supplies or money came at the last minute, but God always provided without George telling anyone about his needs. He just prayed and waited on God.
More than 10,000 children lived in the orphanage over the years. When each child became old enough to live on his own, George would pray with him and put a Bible in his right hand and a coin in his left. He explained to the young person that if he held onto what was in his right hand, God would always make sure there was something in his left hand as well."

On one occasion, George was greeted by the caretaker of the orphanage and told that the children were dressed and ready for school, but there was no food for them.  George had her seat the 300 children at the table, bowed his head, and thanked God for the food.  Shortly after, there was a knock at the door.  A local baker told him that God had woke him up in the night and told him to bake bread for the orphanage.  He obeyed and he was there delivering bread to the orphans.  Not long after he left, there was another knock at the door.  It was a milkman whose wagon had broken down out front.  He knew the milk he was carrying would spoil before he could get the wagon fixed so asked if the orphanage could use the milk.  Just enough for the 300 children!  

James warned us about being doubters, "But let him ask in faith without doubting. For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind."  James 1: 6.  

Now I don't want to think of myself as a doubter. I don't doubt that God CAN, I just sometimes am not sure if God wants to or not.  What is His plan?  Had I been George on that ship, I'd have probably thought "Maybe God doesn't want me to get to Quebec.  Maybe He has another plan."  Maybe I overthink things too much.  Maybe I need to just learn to pray BELIEVING and wait to see what God does.  Isn't that what childlike faith is?  George didn't overthink the situation.  He needed to get to Quebec.  He prayed a simple prayer, trusted God to answer and expected to open the door and the fog would be gone.

Maybe it's time for us to have a little more SEEING faith, instead of WONDERING faith