THE LAST GOODBYE

Today I will close the final chapter on my Mother's life. Today I will close on the sale of her home.

Mother passed away CHRISTmas day, 2015, yet in many ways I began to say goodbye to her long before that. When a person has dementia, you begin to lose them a little bit at a time. Until you have experienced the devastation of this disease, it is difficult to comprehend how much memory loss affects a person's life.

At first it is just little things, like remembering where they put things....which we all do from time to time. Or forgetting what someone said or what stories they have told, thereby causing them to repeat themselves again and again. But then it begins to affect more serious things like how to perform certain tasks such as paying bills and cooking a meal. It is heartbreaking to watch someone who was so smart begin to be unable to do simple things. Then the decision making begins to deteriorate and more and more they become the child and you become the parent, a role you never wanted. Little by little the person they were begins to slip away...you are beginning the long goodbye.

I was more fortunate than a lot of people. Heart disease took my mother long before the dementia did. I am so thankful that she never got to the place where she did not know me or her family. I am thankful that she had not forgotten how to eat or to speak. I am thankful that I got to hear her say “I love you” one last time before she left this earth.

But as the dementia began to rob her of more and more capabilities, it became apparent it was no longer safe for her to live alone at home. So we faced another goodbye as I drove her out of her driveway for the last time in March 2015, knowing at the end of the day she would be moving into assisted living, never to return to her home again. It was a hard day because she did not know that she had said her last goodbye to her home but I did. On a happier note though, her new home was a blessing to her in so many ways. She had a new apartment in a beautiful place with loving people who cared for her so well. She met lots of new friends and it was a joy to come and find her sitting with them talking in the halls or dining room instead of sitting in her darkened living room alone at her home. She touched many lives there with her kindness and generosity. She was eating regularly and getting her medicine as needed. She was well cared for and safe and that was a huge blessing to me. I thank God for the wonderful people at Culpepper Place (now known as Hearthside) and cannot say enough good things about them.

Her heart disease was worsening and it caused her to be hospitalized in early December 2015. Again, when she left Culpepper that night she had no idea she would never return....neither did I. It was another unexpected goodbye. I really thought that she would return in a few days, but the Lord had other plans for her. After 12 days in the hospital it became apparent that her journey was nearing its end. She said goodbye to the hospital but hello to Hospice House.

Saying goodbye is difficult and expected. What is not expected is how difficult a hello can be. Driving into Hospice House with her was one of the hardest things I ever did in my life because I knew it was the beginning of the end. I knew it was where I would say the final goodbye to her and I was not ready for that. But God was so gracious and merciful. He gave us 10 days to prepare us for her homegoing and he put precious, caring staff there to help us through those difficult days.

We said goodbye to her on CHRISTmas afternoon. It was hard. Losing your mother is always hard. There are no words to describe that loss. Yet it was a blessing that she was no longer suffering. She was at peace. She was with her Savior. And best of all, although it was a time of parting, it is only temporary. This goodbye is really more of a “See ya later”, because I WILL see my Mother again one day in Heaven. That gives me great peace and was what sustained us all through the letting go of her earthly self.

But, her home remained and I have been in the process of selling it now for a year and a half. This place she loved so much that she refused to leave even when it was in her best interest. This place that she had cultivated and nurtured with her green thumb, growing daylilies by the hundreds. She cared for this 6 acres up until she left it that March. She had been unable in the end to do all the things she loved doing, but she still managed to get out there and pick up limbs or deadhead lilies or do something in her yard every day.

She had not been a gardener til after she retired. A friend had given her a few daylilies and soon she was hooked. She even joined the Lily Club with her sister and together they began to collect one variety after another til both of their yards were filled with God's beauty. Her yard was featured on Channel 3's Saturday morning garden show 2 years in a row....one of the greatest compliments to her of her life. The Lily Club brought bus loads of people to see her lilies and other smaller clubs came as well. She loved showing them off and quoting Matthew 6:28-29 to them “Consider the lilies, they toil not, neither do they spin, yet Solomon in all of his glory was not arrayed like ONE of these!” She would be careful to point out to them the intricacies of the bloom and then say “And God made all of this beauty in this ONE bloom just for us to enjoy today. And tomorrow, He will make another one equally beautiful for us to enjoy.” She not only shared them by having people come and view them, but she relished sharing them with people who admired them. She tried selling them, but she would much rather just give them away. That was my mother.

For this past year and a half many people have come through looking at her house and property. There have been several who attempted to purchase it, but each time it would fall through for one reason or another. It was discouraging and frustrating to say the least. But I had continually prayed for God to bring just the right family to this place that my Mother loved so much. And each time that a contract would fall apart and I would be disappointed, my sweet daughter would always say, “God has someone He wants in this house, and when it's time, He will lead them to it.” She was right and He did. His timing is not our timing.

Today a sweet young couple and their 4 month old baby girl will take possession of my mother's home. They are in love with this house and SO excited with all the plans they have for it. It gives me great joy to know that they are the ones who will be living there.

One of my granddaughters loved playing beneath the huge magnolia tree in the backyard and I so hope that this little girl will one day make it her hideout as well.

Even so, saying goodbye to this place today will be hard. It is closing the last chapter of Mother's life.....the last goodbye.

She has had her last goodbye. She will never have to say goodbye again. She is in her eternal home.... one that is more beautiful than she could have ever imagined. She is in the presence of her Lord and Savior, being loved and cherished forever more. She has a mansion no earthly dwelling could compare to and it is hers eternally. One day I will join her and there will be no more goodbyes. Hallelujah!! To God be the Glory!

"SEEING" Faith

Sometimes people speak of having "blind faith", meaning that they step out into the  unknown, putting their trust in God.  Abraham may be one that is said to have had blind faith, leaving all that he and his family knew to go to a land that God would show him in time.  It is always difficult to move under any circumstances, but can you imagine just being told "OK, pack up, hitch up the donkeys and camels and start walking.  I'll tell you when you get there."  Yeah....me neither.

But there is another kind of faith, a faith I like to call "Seeing faith".  This kind of faith "sees" with eyes of faith, eyes that may see nothing visibly, yet they see past what is visible and trust God for what they cannot YET see.

George Mueller had that kind of faith.  He is definitely one of my heroes of the faith.

I read this in my STREAMS IN THE DESERT today about George:

"I went to America some years ago with the captain of a steamer, who was a very devoted Christian.  When off the coast of Newfoundland he said to me, "The last time I crossed here, five weeks ago, something happened which revolutionized the whole of my Christian life.  We had George Mueller of Bristol on board. I had been on the bridge twenty four hours and never left it.  George came to me and said "Captain, I have come to tell you that I must be in Quebec Saturday afternoon."  "It is impossible," I said.  "Very well, if your ship cannot take me, God will find some other way.  I have never broken an engagement for 57 years.  Let us go down into the chart room and pray."  I looked at that man of God and thought to myself, 'what lunatic asylum can that man have come from?  I never heard of such a thing as this.'  "Mr. Mueller," I said, "do you know how dense this fog is?"  "No", he replied, "my eye is not on the density of the fog, but on the living God who controls every circumstance of my life."  He knelt down and prayed one of the most simple prayers and when he had finished I was going to pray; but he put his hand on my shoulder and told me not to pray.  "First, you do not believe He will answer; and second I BELIEVE HE HAS, and there is no need whatever for you to pray about it."  I looked at him and he said "Captain I have known the Lord for 57 years and there has never been a single day that I have failed to get audience with the King.  Get up, Captain and open the door and you will find the fog gone."  I got up and the fog was indeed gone.  On Saturday afternoon, George Mueller was in Quebec for his engagement."

That, my Friends, is SEEING FAITH!!  Although Mueller had yet to see the fog lifted, he believed it so.

Now Mueller did not start out as a giant of the faith.  In fact, he actually had a rough start in life.   "As a young boy growing up in Germany in the early 1800s, he often stole money from his dad. As a teenager, he sneaked out of a hotel twice without paying for the room. One time he was caught by police and put in jail. As a Bible college student, George loved going to bars, drinking, gambling, and being the life of the party. He also loved making fun of people, especially Christians.

One day, a friend invited George to go to an off-campus Bible study. He went only because he wanted to make fun of the Christians later. But to his surprise, he liked the Bible study. For the first time, he saw people who really knew and loved God. He attended each evening. Before the end of the week, he knelt at his bed and asked God to forgive his sins.

George's friends saw a change in him immediately. He no longer went to bars or made fun of people. He spent more time reading his Bible, talking about God, and going to church. Soon he found that his friends did not want to be around him anymore.

When George told his father that he had decided to become a missionary, his father became very upset. He wanted George to have a high-paying job and not be a poor missionary. He told George that he would not give him any more money for school. George knew he had to do what God was calling him to do, even if his dad didn't support him.

George went back to college without knowing how he was going to pay his tuition. He did something he thought was a bit silly for a grown man to do. He got on his knees and asked God to provide. To his surprise, an hour later a professor knocked on his door. He offered George a paid tutoring job! George was amazed! This was the beginning of George Mueller's dependence on God.

George went on to become the pastor of a church in England.  Each day as George walked the streets, he saw children everywhere who had no mom or dad. They lived on the streets or in state-run poorhouses, where they were treated badly. George felt God calling him to open an orphanage to take care of the children.

George prayed, asking God to provide a building, people to oversee it, furniture, and money for food and clothing. God answered his prayers. The needs of the orphanage were met each day. Sometimes a wealthy person would send a large amount of money, or a child would give a small amount received as a gift or for doing chores. Many times food, supplies or money came at the last minute, but God always provided without George telling anyone about his needs. He just prayed and waited on God.
More than 10,000 children lived in the orphanage over the years. When each child became old enough to live on his own, George would pray with him and put a Bible in his right hand and a coin in his left. He explained to the young person that if he held onto what was in his right hand, God would always make sure there was something in his left hand as well."---Christianity.com

On one occasion, George was greeted by the caretaker of the orphanage and told that the children were dressed and ready for school, but there was no food for them.  George had her seat the 300 children at the table, bowed his head, and thanked God for the food.  Shortly after, there was a knock at the door.  A local baker told him that God had woke him up in the night and told him to bake bread for the orphanage.  He obeyed and he was there delivering bread to the orphans.  Not long after he left, there was another knock at the door.  It was a milkman whose wagon had broken down out front.  He knew the milk he was carrying would spoil before he could get the wagon fixed so asked if the orphanage could use the milk.  Just enough for the 300 children!  

James warned us about being doubters, "But let him ask in faith without doubting. For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind."  James 1: 6.  

Now I don't want to think of myself as a doubter. I don't doubt that God CAN, I just sometimes am not sure if God wants to or not.  What is His plan?  Had I been George on that ship, I'd have probably thought "Maybe God doesn't want me to get to Quebec.  Maybe He has another plan."  Maybe I overthink things too much.  Maybe I need to just learn to pray BELIEVING and wait to see what God does.  Isn't that what childlike faith is?  George didn't overthink the situation.  He needed to get to Quebec.  He prayed a simple prayer, trusted God to answer and expected to open the door and the fog would be gone.  

Maybe it's time for us to have a little more SEEING faith, instead of WONDERING faith!!

IT BLOOMED!!

One June 24 I posted on this blog a story about a rose bush I transplanted from my Mother's house.  It had appeared that it was never going to make it, then one day, miraculously, leaves began to sprout and soon it was a healthy, plant with multiple leaves, green and growing.

Today I am happy to share with you IT BLOOMED!!!

I had been watching it almost daily to see if it would put out a bud.  And then I saw it, a tiny white bud nestled beneath the top leaves.  What a joy it was to watch it as each day it opened a little more.  That which I had prayed for was finally becoming a reality.

I think too often we give up on God coming through for us.  We live in a day of "instant everything"....instant messaging, instant coffee, express pay, express check out, etc.  We want answers from God in the same way...instantly.  But God does not work that way, at least not most of the time.

Isaiah 30:18 says "Therefore will the Lord wait that He may be gracious to you and therefore will HE be exalted, that He will have mercy upon you....blessed are they who wait on Him."

Notice that He desires to be gracious to us.  I confess, when I am waiting on His answers, it doesn't feel very gracious.  But notice too, that it is not about us.  It is about HIM being exalted.  Just like waiting on the rose to sprout and bloom.  In the waiting, it forced me to keep calling on Him again and again, drawing me back to Him.  My efforts of watering and fertilizing were OK, but I knew that if this rose was going to survive and bloom again it would be strictly up to Him.  In the end, He brought this tender rose to life and blessed me just as the verse above says.

David prayed diligently to the Lord and sometimes he got weary of God's delays or slow responses to his pleas.  Psalm 83:1 says "God, do not keep silent.  Do not be deaf, God.  Do not be idle."  I  sometimes feel that way, too, don't you?  Psalm 109:1 "God of my praise, do not be silent."

But Jeremiah 29:12 reminds us that God DOES listen to our prayers, "You will call to Me and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you."

In Luke Chapter 1 we learn that Zechariah and Elizabeth were up in years and yet still had no children.  But when the angel of the Lord appears to Zechariah to tell him he is about to become a father, he says "Do not be afraid, Zechariah, because your prayer has been heard."  Now it doesn't tell us how long he had been praying, but one can surmise that it had been YEARS since they were old and still had no children.  But evidently Zechariah had continued to pray, not giving up hope.  And, God heard his prayer, and in HIS TIME....he answered it and John was born.

There are many instances in the Bible where individuals had to wait a long time for God to act or to answer a specific prayer.  But the emphasis should not be on the length of time, but on the fact that God DOES answer prayer!  He IS working even when we cannot SEE Him working.  He is orchestrating details, moving in people's lives through circumstances, through people, through many different things until everything falls into place that sets the stage for God to bring it all to fruition and for HIS ULTIMATE GLORY!

So when I begin to get discouraged that God is taking too long answering my requests, I hope I will look no further than the beautiful white rose blooming in my garden to remember His faithfulness and His goodness to answer when I call.